he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Also, beer. Big fan.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
