Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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