tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
