Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
