i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
