thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
is it fun? or sober?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
