I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
