my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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