Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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