The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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