Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
