birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
