I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
