words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
