what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
