watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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