Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
