Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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