I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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