i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
