no, he came in my armpit
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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