dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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