nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
