Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
