see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
