her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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