Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
