Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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