Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
