Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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