On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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