we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
