Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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