She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
