I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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