she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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