I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
