Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
