yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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