So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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