...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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