She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
