I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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