It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
