He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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