you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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