Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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