sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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