i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
