i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
